Last year the shelter was open a lot. This year we have been open more. Over 30 nights now. We are better at being open than we were. Pretty damn fine at it actually, but open we are.
As I type this it's a Sunday morning with snow falling outside. I was at the shelter through the night and I have been trying to make sense of Matt 16:21-28 ready to preach on it this morning. Jesus is calling for us to take up our cross. If I'm honest, I don't really want to preach it. It don't want to preach it 'cause I don't know if there's much appetite for it.
I've been searching for the joy angle in it all week and although I have one it seems such a fundamentally difficult message. 'Surrender your life, give up control and authority. Hand everything over to God and you will find the fullness of life.' I don't think anyone's going to believe me. In the end they didn't believe Jesus either. Not until they got to the resurrection.
There's the thing. For all the weariness that these shifts are bringing, I got a call this week from a young man we got to know through the shelter last year. Over the last 12 months he has stolen from us to feed his drug habit, lied continually, been arrested, cheated and used us. This phone call though was from a rehab centre in Wales. I didn't recognise his voice at first, his voice has changed through the fact that he's no longer medicating himself. He's working through the week on a farm, he's put on 2 stone in weight and is getting his teeth sorted. After the phone call with me he was off with some of the others swimming.
When I last saw him he was barely staying out of prison. He was a shadow of a man abusing everyone and anyone. Largely, as a community we managed to continually be vulnerable with him. He stole from us we gave him more. He lied to us we loved him. It was not an easy time for us with him. When and how do you display good sense, how do you become vulnerable but not stupid?
I don't want to get ahead of myself, but when I last saw this lad I felt despair. I was in it with him in as much as I felt Jesus said I should be but in all honesty I didn't have much hope or (if I'm really honest) much faith that it would turn out well. It looked grim.
Things are changing though. He sounded, err .... healthy. He was going swimming!! He thinks Jesus is cool!!! There is the possibility that this young man may actually be experiencing the miracle of Jesus Christ. It's nothing short of that. There was nothing certainly in my power that I could do for him, this I have to put at Christ's feet. He still has a long way to go, it is early days but I couldn't have imagined this 2 months ago for him and yet it is actually happening.
The reason we take up our cross? Because it's the only damn place that real hope can be found. The rest is just plain nonsense.
Sunday, 21 February 2010
Monday, 1 February 2010
married to the church
We have just started a membership course for those people wanting to join us. Along with that the evening service are also going through what it means to become members of us here are WBC. As a result I've had a few more conversations with folk about it.
My understanding is that before my time, a shift took place in church to try and make membership less important but to beef up the possibility of belonging to us. That way our borders would be more flexible and permeable and open to new comers who exist on the edges. Now this brought with it a whole load of stuff on what it is to belong, open and closed membership and constitutional stuff. It was no easy task and brought with it some baggage.
Some years later though as we have reflected on membership there seems to have been a shift. The shift is towards a higher bench mark for membership with a more rigorous joining procedure. We have gone then from a welcoming meal being used as a way in to a 6 week course on what it means to covenant with us.
On the whole I am pleased with this. If getting baptised in Christ takes it's tangible form within a local community it seems to me that this is a very serious thing. Comparable to marriage. To belong to a church community is to commit your time, friendship, resources and spirituality to and with a group of people. The 6 week course is there so that people know exactly what they're getting into, what expectations will be and how big the demands are. It's fine to say no and to still be around, but to belong will both cost you and gift you deeply. It's not for the faint hearted and nor should it be. The gospels are no stroll in the park, this is akin to well, life altering salvation.
My understanding is that before my time, a shift took place in church to try and make membership less important but to beef up the possibility of belonging to us. That way our borders would be more flexible and permeable and open to new comers who exist on the edges. Now this brought with it a whole load of stuff on what it is to belong, open and closed membership and constitutional stuff. It was no easy task and brought with it some baggage.
Some years later though as we have reflected on membership there seems to have been a shift. The shift is towards a higher bench mark for membership with a more rigorous joining procedure. We have gone then from a welcoming meal being used as a way in to a 6 week course on what it means to covenant with us.
On the whole I am pleased with this. If getting baptised in Christ takes it's tangible form within a local community it seems to me that this is a very serious thing. Comparable to marriage. To belong to a church community is to commit your time, friendship, resources and spirituality to and with a group of people. The 6 week course is there so that people know exactly what they're getting into, what expectations will be and how big the demands are. It's fine to say no and to still be around, but to belong will both cost you and gift you deeply. It's not for the faint hearted and nor should it be. The gospels are no stroll in the park, this is akin to well, life altering salvation.
Wednesday, 6 January 2010
Christmas reflections
Christmas was hard but good. I cooked (with help) for 50 - hard, I didn't poison anyone - good.
It has been very very cold but strangely the shelter has been fine with people signing up and giving their time sacrificially.
And this weekend we have a wedding. Quite literally a white wedding with lots of celebration and excitement.
I'm not sure I've learnt anything new or had any revelations but I have enjoyed the season a lot. I loved the carol concert and the mulled wine. I stood in awe as I watched people take shifts on Christmas day at church, I smiled as people have looked after each other, I enjoyed giving and receiving gifts a lot.
I know there's supposed to be a lot wrong with Christmas but I think it's brilliant. We might not always keep it well but it seems to me we go quite a long way in our trying.
Top present - buddy Jesus pencil toppers. How cool!! Thanks Lou
It has been very very cold but strangely the shelter has been fine with people signing up and giving their time sacrificially.
And this weekend we have a wedding. Quite literally a white wedding with lots of celebration and excitement.
I'm not sure I've learnt anything new or had any revelations but I have enjoyed the season a lot. I loved the carol concert and the mulled wine. I stood in awe as I watched people take shifts on Christmas day at church, I smiled as people have looked after each other, I enjoyed giving and receiving gifts a lot.
I know there's supposed to be a lot wrong with Christmas but I think it's brilliant. We might not always keep it well but it seems to me we go quite a long way in our trying.
Top present - buddy Jesus pencil toppers. How cool!! Thanks Lou
Tuesday, 8 December 2009
Out of Body Experience
I'm having a weird time at the minute. There are lots and lots of struggles in the body of the church. Things are uncomfortable, the ‘least’ are around us and they're not as attractive or as grateful as we'd like. Too much time is given to the poor and the marginalised and not enough on the givers and upholders of the church body.
Outside the community though I chat to people about the things we are engaged in, you know, helping asylum seekers, working with the homeless, drug addicts etc and people think it's great. Like they lap it up. Then they say things like, 'your church sounds great, I never new Christians were into stuff like that.'
To be honest its freaking me out a bit.
I sat in a training day which was all about harm reduction. Basically how you get people to manage drug and alcohol problems without expecting them to stop completely all at once. Anyway, I was sat with people from various agencies and what became apparent right from the off was that I was in a whole different arena. How do you talk about ‘appropriate role boundaries’ when you don’t have a working relationship but a community relationship, when you truly do seek to be a friend? When I began to talk about looking after people who are themselves at risk along side the drug addict who may steal and lie etc and that in a church community we are wanting to encourage, love and protect the safety of both there was real appreciation of it. I found myself bizarrely giving a Christian account of love and justice to a group of non religious 3rd sector workers and they were loving it!
The following day I was sat in a nail bar having my monthly manicure (?) when I’m asked what I do. I tell them. I am then asked more and more questions and am told more and more childhood stories about faith experience until eventually I am having a theological discussion about what it means to belong to a community. I don’t have these conversations within my community!
If this church stuff of loving the poor and standing with those outside is so attractive, why are those inside the community leaving and complaining? Why do people I worship with talk about church not being safe or ‘what it should be’ while those outside seem to get excited? Why is this stuff not working the right way around?
For the moment then I continue in my strange and unsettling out of body experience...
Outside the community though I chat to people about the things we are engaged in, you know, helping asylum seekers, working with the homeless, drug addicts etc and people think it's great. Like they lap it up. Then they say things like, 'your church sounds great, I never new Christians were into stuff like that.'
To be honest its freaking me out a bit.
I sat in a training day which was all about harm reduction. Basically how you get people to manage drug and alcohol problems without expecting them to stop completely all at once. Anyway, I was sat with people from various agencies and what became apparent right from the off was that I was in a whole different arena. How do you talk about ‘appropriate role boundaries’ when you don’t have a working relationship but a community relationship, when you truly do seek to be a friend? When I began to talk about looking after people who are themselves at risk along side the drug addict who may steal and lie etc and that in a church community we are wanting to encourage, love and protect the safety of both there was real appreciation of it. I found myself bizarrely giving a Christian account of love and justice to a group of non religious 3rd sector workers and they were loving it!
The following day I was sat in a nail bar having my monthly manicure (?) when I’m asked what I do. I tell them. I am then asked more and more questions and am told more and more childhood stories about faith experience until eventually I am having a theological discussion about what it means to belong to a community. I don’t have these conversations within my community!
If this church stuff of loving the poor and standing with those outside is so attractive, why are those inside the community leaving and complaining? Why do people I worship with talk about church not being safe or ‘what it should be’ while those outside seem to get excited? Why is this stuff not working the right way around?
For the moment then I continue in my strange and unsettling out of body experience...
Monday, 23 November 2009
recent struggles
I was sent this video by a friend of mine who is sharing my struggle of how to stay in a religious institution which seems to be bearing a resemblance to the principalities and powers that we are called to stand against. What do you do with this in relation to committed discipleship. Especially when that discipleship is to a Jesus that did not work within the institutions and religious bodies.
This is a long talk at 1 and 1/2 hours. If you skip to 1 and 1/4 hours you get a snippet which deals directly with this question. Joan basically says critics are those stood outside the institution and are never listened to by those within. Prophets are those within who are always broken and killed by the institutions. It's not a good set of options but I enjoyed her point. Take a look. the whole video is worth a watch if you have the time. Highlights for me were her deep understanding of institutionalised sin as set against personal sin, her run down of how we get to change and how institutions react and when she says right at the end that we cannot be motivated by results I could have wept. Thanks Richard for this....
This is a long talk at 1 and 1/2 hours. If you skip to 1 and 1/4 hours you get a snippet which deals directly with this question. Joan basically says critics are those stood outside the institution and are never listened to by those within. Prophets are those within who are always broken and killed by the institutions. It's not a good set of options but I enjoyed her point. Take a look. the whole video is worth a watch if you have the time. Highlights for me were her deep understanding of institutionalised sin as set against personal sin, her run down of how we get to change and how institutions react and when she says right at the end that we cannot be motivated by results I could have wept. Thanks Richard for this....
Saturday, 21 November 2009
A few things I learnt on honeymoon
1)I talk way less than my husband and I never knew this before!
2)No-one makes me laugh as much or as hard as Mark.
3)I can read maps better than Mark yet I know no-one will believe me!!
4)I'd love to pick up German studies again.
2)No-one makes me laugh as much or as hard as Mark.
3)I can read maps better than Mark yet I know no-one will believe me!!
4)I'd love to pick up German studies again.
Tuesday, 10 November 2009
Could we please be civil
So, I'm at council right. The place where we discuss debate and make policy. As meetings go council isn't bad, I quite like it.
On this sessions agenda was a paper from the ministry department regarding civil partnerships. It is in fact the only reason I came since I'm getting married this Saturday and frankly should be doing wedding type stuff whilst battling the fear.
Still, I'm here now so here's the debate. Four years ago civil partnerships came into being. This year council has asked that we state in some guidelines that ministers should not take part in these ceremonies. They will however, allow us to attend if we want. They don't want us to take part for the following reason,
"it would divert from the historic teaching of the church on marriage, where any sexual relationship outside of marriage falls short of God's express will for humankind. Such a stance would be held by a large majority of Churches in membership with the Baptist Union of Great Britain."
There are many reasons why this paper has unsettled me. I think I'm going to list some of them
* We have had a four year gap between civil partnerships coming into being and these guidelines. Why have the union chosen to do this now? There has been no period of consultation with the the body of churches so it seems to be making unfounded claims about what the churches think.
*The guidelines rest on lots of statements which it say are a given. I think I would like to discuss who is saying what God's express will for humankind is. I think that it is questionable.
*since only 8 churches have taken up the material to look at the issues homosexuality brings to our communities shouldn't we be doing more on that level before bringing in quite stringent guidelines?
*The church has a very culturally based understanding of marriage. We have a diverse history where within church communities, hand fasting has been common, multiple wives were OK. We have an old Testament full of Godly Men and concubines. Our history of marriage is really quite diverse.
* The union is happy for me to be rejected by churches on the basis of my gender. If that happens, the church will be met with, discussions will be had but at the end of it the church meeting, the gathered people of God will seek Christ and decide.If I go to a church as homosexual and my church community embrace me and my sexuality the union will still say I am not able to go into ministry or have a civil partnership. Then the church will not have the authority through seeking the mind of Christ. You see you need to be careful with rules when persecuting minorities.
*There is also my own personal view too that a good union between two people of the same sex is something that God would not tolerate but would instead revel in the shear delight of.
The discussion we had was really very very good. Lots of people spoke and listened really well. Moderation was expressed respect was given. I had high hopes after the discussion that this paper could be taken away and further work done. Instead a resolution was brought, quite a clever one really. The resolution was worded such that it advocated support for the ministry team at Didcot and a desire to listen and show respect, all things I would like to do. In the middle though was an advocating of the paper that was originally proposed, no amendments, no movement.
There's no way round it, I think the union may not be a place i can be held in.
On this sessions agenda was a paper from the ministry department regarding civil partnerships. It is in fact the only reason I came since I'm getting married this Saturday and frankly should be doing wedding type stuff whilst battling the fear.
Still, I'm here now so here's the debate. Four years ago civil partnerships came into being. This year council has asked that we state in some guidelines that ministers should not take part in these ceremonies. They will however, allow us to attend if we want. They don't want us to take part for the following reason,
"it would divert from the historic teaching of the church on marriage, where any sexual relationship outside of marriage falls short of God's express will for humankind. Such a stance would be held by a large majority of Churches in membership with the Baptist Union of Great Britain."
There are many reasons why this paper has unsettled me. I think I'm going to list some of them
* We have had a four year gap between civil partnerships coming into being and these guidelines. Why have the union chosen to do this now? There has been no period of consultation with the the body of churches so it seems to be making unfounded claims about what the churches think.
*The guidelines rest on lots of statements which it say are a given. I think I would like to discuss who is saying what God's express will for humankind is. I think that it is questionable.
*since only 8 churches have taken up the material to look at the issues homosexuality brings to our communities shouldn't we be doing more on that level before bringing in quite stringent guidelines?
*The church has a very culturally based understanding of marriage. We have a diverse history where within church communities, hand fasting has been common, multiple wives were OK. We have an old Testament full of Godly Men and concubines. Our history of marriage is really quite diverse.
* The union is happy for me to be rejected by churches on the basis of my gender. If that happens, the church will be met with, discussions will be had but at the end of it the church meeting, the gathered people of God will seek Christ and decide.If I go to a church as homosexual and my church community embrace me and my sexuality the union will still say I am not able to go into ministry or have a civil partnership. Then the church will not have the authority through seeking the mind of Christ. You see you need to be careful with rules when persecuting minorities.
*There is also my own personal view too that a good union between two people of the same sex is something that God would not tolerate but would instead revel in the shear delight of.
The discussion we had was really very very good. Lots of people spoke and listened really well. Moderation was expressed respect was given. I had high hopes after the discussion that this paper could be taken away and further work done. Instead a resolution was brought, quite a clever one really. The resolution was worded such that it advocated support for the ministry team at Didcot and a desire to listen and show respect, all things I would like to do. In the middle though was an advocating of the paper that was originally proposed, no amendments, no movement.
There's no way round it, I think the union may not be a place i can be held in.
Monday, 9 November 2009
I did it my wage
I am now of the opinion that I shouldn't be paid for what I do, at least not in the way I currently am. I think it's unhelpful. I think the notion of stipend has been largely lost so I am a minister and an employee not someone released within my community but a salaried professional. This means that I don't belong to my community in the way that others around me do. I am temporary and other than. I am trained (in what, eludes me often) and to be looked up to and to be blamed all in ways that are distant for the community at large.
Ben posted a quote on my facebook page from Bonhoeffer which reads:
The church is the church only when it exists for others. To make a start, it should give away all its property to those in need. The clergy must live solely on the free will offerings of their congregations, or possibly engage in some secular calling. The church must share in the secular problems of ordinary human life, not dominating, but helping and serving.
It must tell people of every calling what it means to live in Christ, to exist for others. In particular, our own church will have to take the field against the vices of hubris, power-worship, envy and humbug, as the root of all evil. It will have to speak of moderation, purity, trust, loyalty, constancy, patience, discipline, humility, contentment, and modesty.... Read more
It must not underestimate the importance of human example (which has its origin in the humanity of Jesus and it so important in Paul's teaching), it is not abstract argument, but example that gives its words emphasis and power.
Some work it seems to me needs to be done on the relationship of minister to community. Why am I shipped in from outside? Why is my pay formalised, what is it really that the church needs in terms of released time? Does it need management and admin skills, does it need theological knowledge or someone to enable worship? Can this role be flexible rather than a fixed post cemented through an academic post. How can the community take more responsibility and ownership of it and through it?
I think I need to quit and then carry on working for the church. I wonder if they'll have me?
Ben posted a quote on my facebook page from Bonhoeffer which reads:
The church is the church only when it exists for others. To make a start, it should give away all its property to those in need. The clergy must live solely on the free will offerings of their congregations, or possibly engage in some secular calling. The church must share in the secular problems of ordinary human life, not dominating, but helping and serving.
It must tell people of every calling what it means to live in Christ, to exist for others. In particular, our own church will have to take the field against the vices of hubris, power-worship, envy and humbug, as the root of all evil. It will have to speak of moderation, purity, trust, loyalty, constancy, patience, discipline, humility, contentment, and modesty.... Read more
It must not underestimate the importance of human example (which has its origin in the humanity of Jesus and it so important in Paul's teaching), it is not abstract argument, but example that gives its words emphasis and power.
Some work it seems to me needs to be done on the relationship of minister to community. Why am I shipped in from outside? Why is my pay formalised, what is it really that the church needs in terms of released time? Does it need management and admin skills, does it need theological knowledge or someone to enable worship? Can this role be flexible rather than a fixed post cemented through an academic post. How can the community take more responsibility and ownership of it and through it?
I think I need to quit and then carry on working for the church. I wonder if they'll have me?
Lots to think about
It must be something about attending council that makes me want to blog. Well that and I've been thinking for a while about starting another blog. I think it is born out of a frustration of where I can find space to chat about some of the things that interest me while being very aware that if I took this down the pub I would bore the pants off friends. At least here you can click off and I am blissfully unaware!!
So here goes with wonderings, ponderings and a few controversial comments.
So here goes with wonderings, ponderings and a few controversial comments.
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